Family Pictures and First Smile

Today we took professional family pictures. The last time we did that Logan, our oldest nephew was about 2. There was no Emily, Katelyn, Jordan, Taylor or Kara. How special it was to have so many beautiful children in our photos today. It has been such an amazing experience to be a part of a big family. Being an only child, it took me awhile to get used to all the people around for family get-togethers. I enjoy them so much now. It has been awesome to watch as brothers and sisters get married and start their own families. Finally, our time has come. To be able to sit with my husband and my daughter to have our portrait taken was so special. This is what Christmas, what life, is all about.

Also, today our beautiful daughter smiled her first smile. She did it for Aaron this morning and I didn't believe him but she just did it for me and Aaron saw it too!!! She is just perfect. Wow, what a Christmas.

Big Sister

Ellie just can't get enough of Kara. Kara has to be in full sight at all times. Today I had to move an ottoman close to the swing so Ellie could keep an eye on her. Whenever someone new holds Kara Ellie has to jump up next to them and give Kara a sniff to make sure she is ok.

Many people are enjoying buying Baby's First Christmas outfits and Aunt Nicole finally found one today that isn't too big! I can't wait to dress her up in it on Christmas. It is so cozy.

We are taking family pictures on Sunday. We will all be dressed up and it will be Aaron's whole family plus 2 new babies since the last picture was taken. We are so excited to have a baby finally to be a part of it.

My Own Room!

Last night Kara got to sleep in her own room--in her own big girl crib. She really seemed to like it. She just stared at the mobile when we turned it on. She fell asleep pretty quickly and slept for about 4 1/2 straight hours! Then she ate a quick meal (up to 4oz!!! now) and went right back to sleep until about 7:30 or so and Aaron just got up with her. It was so nice. Her room is so peaceful and has a great rocking chair. It was neat to actually hang out in there with her for the first time. Today we bought a cd player for her room because we have gotten some really nice, relaxing cds that she seems to like.

Right now, Aaron is playing basketball. I have the Christmas tree lit, a fire in the fireplace, and a wonderful, calming instrumental cd on. (Of course the first college bowl game is on the tv but it isn't too exciting of a game.) Kara got a bath tonight and just smells like heaven. She is lying next to me on the couch and just fell asleep. I just want to soak in this moment.

Busy Days

This is why I get nothing done--and am ok with it! I could sit and stare at Kara all day and be quite content. She comes up with new looks while she sleeps and is just so alert now when she is awake. We went to a Christmas luncheon today at Aaron's school and about 100 people that have been waiting for Kara to arrive got to meet her. She wore a beautiful party dress and got so many compliments on how adorable she is. Every day is just such a blessing to have her.

Cousins

We are so blessed to have family all around us. Kara has 5 cousins already and it is so neat to be around them at all different stages. Taylor is the closest in age. She was born Aug. 21 so she is 3 months and 9 days older than Kara. It is amazing to see the difference 3 months makes. They are going to be so cute to watch grow up together.

Coming Home

I have been putting off this post because I have so many great pictures of the night we brought Kara home. Aaron's whole family was at our house waiting for us as well as my parents and our friend Nicole. Nicole got Ellie this adorable shirt and the beautiful Willow Tree figurine for us. It was so special to have everyone over and to have all Kara's cousins here to meet her. We are so blessed to have so much family nearby.

Birth Announcment

This is the picture we decided to use for her birth announcement. They turned out really cute. She is just such a peaceful baby. We thought this picture showed a bit of her personality.

First Doctor Appointment

Yesterday was Kara's first doctor appointment. She did great. She is healthy and growing. Her weight is up to 7 lbs. 14 oz. She is quite a good little eater. Her umbilical cord was about to fall off so the doctor helped it along in fear that it might easily get caught on a piece of clothing or a diaper and tear off. Kara barely complained. She got her first real bath today and didn't seem to mind a bit. I think she liked the warm water.

Ellie

I have so many pics to post and so much to write. I need to do it when I am not dead tired...maybe in 18 years? Just in case any of you were worried about Ellie--here she is with her new baby sister. She just loves to watch her and lay with her. It is so sweet.

Notre Dame/Going Home

Thursday's post was supposed to be about our visit to Notre Dame. Grandma K watched
Kara for a bit while Aaron and I took the short drive to the Notre Dame campus and went to the bookstore. It was my first trip out besides coming from the hospital to the hotel. It was nice to get out. I have also had a cold all week so I didn't feel much like doing anything anyway. We had a fun time walking around the bookstore and driving around parts of the campus. We got sweatshirts--I know, I know--how can I support Notre Dame after the horribly embarassing UCLA/Notre Dame football game this year. It was still neat to be there in person though.

We have not had internet access for the past two days in the hotel. We just about lost our minds. It has been very frustrating to not be able to get/send e-mail or post on my blog. Right now we are on our flight home!!! We are so excited. Kara is such a great traveler. Of course no crying at all. She just stares at everything; taking in the whole world with big, bright eyes. She slept most of both flights and ate twice. Four diaper changes so far on the plane but very quick and easy just on my lap. Every day that passes we get to know her more and more and just enjoy being with her so much. Now that I am not sick anymore I just love to kiss her little hands and forehead. I am sure I will have more to write when we get home.

And for my next act...

The true joys of parenthood have now been realized. Picture this...I am taking a nice, much needed nap and Aaron runs in not once, not twice, not three times...but FOUR times to get new diapers within 2 minutes. What the heck? Turns out she had poop--and lots of it. I decided I should get up and help. She was happy as a clam and all cleaned up by the time I got out to the front room. It was then time for her to eat. I made up a bottle and sat down with her for our favorite interactive time. She was almost done with the whole three ounces and she projectile vomited ALL over me, herself, the floor...anything within a five foot radius. I just kind of sat there, stunned. Aaron rushed over and started wiping me off, and took Kara. I still sat. I peeled off my clothes, put them in the dirty pile bag in the suitcase (dreading the moment when I actually get home and have to DO that bag of laundry) and put on clean clothes. She was so covered and since it was in her hair we gave her another bath. Of course she never made a peep throughout this whole experience, not one whimper, not one look of discontent. The bath finished up and she was all wrapped in her hoodie towel being held and warmed by Daddy when she decided to pee all down his shirt and the towel. Of course by now I am laughing my head off and amazed at how many orificaces she can empty at once. Ah, this is great! This picture is of her after her bath as we wait for her head to begin spinning.

All is right with the world

I know I am posting more than usual but this is the best way for me to journal the thoughts, feelings and experiences that I want to remember.
It snowed all night. It was beautiful. I have never seen it snow for so long in my whole life and I didn't want to sleep because it was just so pretty to watch. Kara is doing wonderfully. She is a good eater, sleeper (mostly), and is now just gazing at us when we talk to her. Before she would just stare off into space while we fed her--eating was just a reflex. Now even in the quiet hours in the middle of the night she stares into my eyes while she eats while I talk to her. It is so special. I will post more pics later.

We are in love.

I didn't think it was possible to be so in love with such a tiny being. Oh, don't get me wrong--I love Ellie to death but this little life has stolen our hearts. We don't want to take our eyes off her for a second because we might miss something--a look, a stretch, a yawn. She is such a perfect little girl. Anytime Aaron is anywhere within earshot she tries so hard turning her head and looking toward the direction of his voice. She barely cries because we can tell when she is 'thinking about it' and fix the problem before it starts. She is just an angel. She is going to be such a 'Daddy's Girl' and I am more than thrilled with that. Aaron has such a gentle way with her it just brings me to tears when I walk in to him smiling to her or singing to her and kissing her on the forehead. We are so blessed.

Yesterday we said our goodbyes in the hospital to the birthparents. It was SO hard. We are amazed at their selflessness and their courage. I cried so hard for them and their grief and for us and our joy at the same time. I sobbed the whole way out of the hospital carrying her. After all of our loss and pain I couldn't and still can't believe we actually got to leave a hospital with a perfect, beautiful baby girl. I cried all the way to the hotel. When we arrived at the hotel the manager had upgraded us to a mini-suite for the same price as our other room AND had signs everywhere (on the front doors, the elevators, and all over our room) that said "WELCOME HOME KARA GRACE." Of course, we cried some more. This is all so surreal. Of course we want to be home with her but we feel like we are the only people in the world right now. Our hotel is empty, not many people are outside, it snows on and off--this is all like a dream. We just want to soak in every second. Even the 3 hours we were awake between 5 and 8 this morning with her. She just wants to take in everything. Well, I need to go get myself a kleenex. :) Please continue to pray for the safety of all of us and for the birthparents. We can't even fathom the grief they must be dealing with today. I will post again soon.

She's Here!

Kara Grace Kirkland
November 30, 2007
7:39am 20 inches 7lbs. 9oz.
She is beautiful! She has a full head of dark brown/black hair. We were all surprised. The birthmother's other daughter was born with a full head of very blond hair. She is just so perfect. We are still in shock.

We had a rather uneventful flight and got here safely. The only glitch was that the car seat was lost and my jacket was in it! It was about 32 degrees and we climbed down a staircase onto the tarmac. BRRRRR! My parents were on the later flight Thurs. night and all of their luggage was lost.

We got to meet the birthparents that night at our hotel. We had a great time meeting them, taking pictures, trying not to cry too much, and getting to know them. We went to the hospital at midnight with them to check her in. We got to hear Kara's heartbeat for the first time and we found out that we would be getting our own room.

Aaron is going to go back to the hotel and connect to the internet to send this. I will post again soon! We are in 7th heaven right now. :)

Too much thinking--

I was tagged and I really did try to answer all of the questions but it was way too much thinking for right now. I couldn't even think of ONE favorite snack, favorite memory, bad habit, favorite food...etc. Let alone FIVE! Sorry, Jamie and Marci, I really did start it and then delete it all.

Instead I will post about recent happenings at our house. Kara's nursery is almost all ready. Our flights, hotel and car rentals for Michigan are all set. We leave in 10 days and our DAUGHTER is to be born in 11 days. Yikes! I am so thankful to have so much support. I don't know what I do otherwise. The next several days hold MANY activities and appointments. We will be on a plane before we know it. I will post some pictures soon of the finished nursery and the gift that I had made for our wonderful birthmother.

Showers!!

The showers have begun...and so has the countdown. The c-section is scheduled for November 30th. ONE MONTH FROM TODAY!!! My husband, being an English teacher, was given a 'book' shower. It was so much fun. We received many great books from a lot of his friends from work.


Today was my first shower. It was given by the ladies in my Bible study. About 40 women attended and I received SO much stuff. It was strange being on the receiving side of a baby shower. It was even kind of hard. So many times I have silently cried while watching friends and family open adorable teeny clothes and sweet cards. Today was my turn. There were definitely some tears--tears of joy obviously but tears of sadness for all the loss over the past seven years. I am so grateful for our birthmother and the ultimate gift she is giving us.

Ramblings

I just received a call from a friend that was in my infertility care group that I lead last fall. After a few months of very uninvasive infertility treatments last fall and earlier this year she and her husband decided to 'give up' and adopt. I was happy for her in that she felt as if she had exhausted her resources emotionally and financially and was ready to 'move on.' I am much more stubborn and it took me 7 years and hundreds (literally) of thousands of dollars to feel at peace with 'moving on.' As I have most likely stated before--I didn't want to look back at 45 yrs. old and have regrets of not trying something to have the biological child that I so desperately wanted.

I am so grateful to be at peace with my infertility and our choice to adopt. It isn't a last resort and it isn't 'settling' for second best. I truly believe it is just all God's timing. My mind and heart needed time to heal and Kara wasn't ready to be created yet. Even her amazing birthmother has said that she feels Kara was conceived for us.

Anyway, back to my phone call. My friend told me that they finally passed their home study and would be placed with a baby probably in Dec. or Jan. They are doing a foster-to-adopt situation so it is different than ours. She told me tonight that she is six weeks pregnant and had to put the adoption on hold.

This is the first pregnancy I have been told of since I knew my daughter was on her way. It is the first time that I didn't have the twinge of jealousy and sadness for myself at the same time of feeling joy and happiness for a friend. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle and I have proven to myself to be quite a pillar of strength through a lot more than I thought I could ever live through.

I really don't know where I am going with this. I have so many mixed emotions. Mostly of utterly missing my daughter even though I haven't even met her yet. I have dreamt about her several times and feel like she is already so much a part of my life. I am ready for her to come home. I am ready to hold her and dance with her in my arms. I am ready to cry with her when she has been crying for an hour and I can't figure out why. She just seems so real.

I need to go to bed but I felt I needed to capture this moment and these feelings.

More Waiting

I feel like I have titled at least 15 posts with that title. Today was the day that we were supposed to get the date for the c-section scheduled. The birthmother went for the appointment only to find that the doctor was at the hospital delivering another baby! They rescheduled her appt. for Oct. 10. Two more weeks! We need to buy plane tickets and get hotel rooms!

It is so funny though...the things I have begun to take for granted. Instead of staying up all night wondering IF there would be a heartbeat today I was wondering what I am going to pack for the trip to Michigan...etc. Kara's beautiful little heartrate today was 145. Yes, I am so grateful.

Here are a couple of pictures in the meantime.

Border up and Football Season!

Well, here it is! All done. We just need our friend to come over and show us how to set up the crib. We got it from this friend with no instructions but he says he remembers how to put it together since he did it for his two kids.

Finally, college football has begun. We have tickets to all of the UCLA home games and look forward to football season all year. Go Bruins! I swear Ellie is smiling in the picture where I am holding our first game tickets. :)

Labor Day Weekend Project--edited

We decided to paint the nursery this weekend. My friend, Nicole, willingly came over to help us even though it was 112 degrees outside. Obviously inside was much cooler but that kind of heat makes me want to relax and do nothing. We finished the room in 2 1/2 hours and I love the way it turned out. We put up blinds after the paint was dry last night and will finish it off with the border tomorrow.

(Edited--Ellie didn't have her teeth pulled afterall--we have to take her to a specialist and the dr. said to just keep an eye on them.)