Perfection

Ok, does every parent feel this way? Our daughter is perfect. Everything--absolutely everything is perfect. We have heard the strangest things--allergies to formula, milk, materials, latex, snaps!!! She eats, sleeps (a lot), grows, smiles, loves people, the swing, the sling, her toys, the dogs. Other than a few serious crying episodes, mostly about gas and poop, she is just happy and taking in the world. Baby Wise says the parents are to take full credit because so much of it is learned behavior. I just marvel at God and His blessings, her birthparents, and a teeny bit of us and our love and environment. Today was the most blessed day off. I am keeping a daily journal for Kara of what she does...etc. but I feel there is so much I can't even put into words. Other than what Aaron said today, "Finally, the hole in our family and in our hearts is filled."

This is Aaron making dinner while I got a bit of scrapbooking done. For those of you that really know me---I got up, on my own, on a rainy day, at EIGHT to feed Kara because I missed her. I brought her into bed with us (and Ellie, of course) we all slept for a few more hours. For those that don't know me---NOTHING can get me out of bed voluntarily on a rainy day off. We are in heaven.

Friday--finally!

Our first week back to work went relatively well. The worst part is how much we miss Kara while we are gone. I am waiting for the principal's approval to change my hours on Wed. from 10-3 to 12-3 because it is just WAY too long to be away from her. She is an amazing sleeper still. Last night she was completely out by 11 and didn't make a peep until this morning at 7. I fed her and then we went back to sleep until 11. This is all just so much better than I ever dreamed it could be.

I am posting the first inanimate object that Kara smiles at. She started smiling at it at the beginning of the week and it just cracks me up. It is in one of her three play gyms as she looks straight up if she is laying on her back.

This afternoon my mom was changing Kara's diaper when Aaron pulled into the garage. The second he came in and Kara heard his voice she started smiling. It was so awesome. She just smiled and smiled till he came into view and picked her up. Total Daddy's Girl. I am glad. There is nothing better than being a Daddy's girl.

First Day Back

Picture one--excited Gramma getting to babysit while I go to work
Picture two--me trying to sneak Kara into my library bag and take her to work with me.
Picture three--Mom and Dad home from work and excited to see our baby girl.

Today was our first day back to work. I was up with Kara until about 2am. (We have her on a great schedule--for vacation!) I managed to get a few hours of sleep. My mom came early because she just couldn't wait to see Kara. I got ready and left for work. Luckily today was a short day; I only see four classes on Mondays. I was so excited to come home. Aaron called on my way home and I told him I would beat him there and see Kara first. Ha ha ha. He arrived soon afterward and we had to fight over who got to hold her more first. Aaron said his day was long. Mine was good and it was fun to be back to all the excited 5-and-6-year-old smiling faces. They wanted to know all about my baby and then tell me that they got Wiis for Christmas.

Tonight I was motivated to get all of the paperwork in order to get Kara's passport going and to get her social security card. Come to find out there is A LOT that still has to be done. I am so tired of paperwork. Anyway, overall it was a good day.

Today

Today was the most 'smiley' day of Kara's life. She woke up smiling and hasn't stopped since. She slept from 11:30pm last night until 7:45 this morning then ate and went back to sleep until 10:30. She turned 6 weeks yesterday and is just Miss Personality. She smiles when we talk, when we tickle her, when she looks at a smiling toy...anything. We have been told to enjoy every second, and we have been, and she is still growing up too fast. We found out one of our best friends is pregnant and hope she has a girl. :) They will only be 8 1/2 months apart. Either way, we will have tons of fun having babies so close in age (hopefully they will move closer.) I still can't believe she is ours. Work starts Monday for both of us. Mine is only 6 hours this week and 8 hours the next. Gramma will be coming to our house to watch her so Kara probably won't even realize I am gone. Poor Aaron will miss her so much though when he goes back to teaching on Monday.

Smiles

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. We have been a bit busier than usual. We went to our niece's 4th birthday party on Wed. night. It was lots of fun. Yesterday morning Aaron's dad had a stroke. Aaron spent the whole day in the hospital with his mom while they were doing tests on his dad. Today we took Kara over to see him hoping that would lift his spirits a bit. He is doing much better today than yesterday. Though it has been scary and quite painful for him it could have been much worse. He is coherent and has all use of his limbs and memory. They are still running tests but we were glad to see him be able to open his eyes and carry on normal conversations...back to his witty, sarcastic self...just like we like him.

Other than that, Kara is smiling more and more. She is just a little piece of perfection. We have seen much better smiles but these are the only two we have been able to capture so far.

First Dinner Out

Tonight we got Kara all dressed up and took her to our favorite Italian restaurant with some friends. She was so good. Their girls just loved holding her. We had a great dinner and Kara seemed to enjoy the Italian music and the soft lighting.
I still can't believe this is for real. I guess reality will hit next week when we both go back to work. Kara is going 7-8 hours at night between feedings. She is so perfect. I keep telling her she must be an angel sent straight from heaven. We can never thank her birthparents enough for allowing us the opportunity to raise this miracle.

Dogs

I just don't get it. Is it a female dog thing? Both my dog and my mom's dog (who is scared of pretty much anybody who aren't HER five people) are just so loving, careful and protective of Kara. Of course, we are thrilled but it is just weird. Kara LOVES watching Ellie and Daisy play. They both want to lay by Kara and watch over her.

Today was a great day. It rained. We planned on not going anywhere. We got only one phone call. We wanted today to just be a 'family' day and it was definitely that. Kara is so much fun. She loves showers and just smiled before and after. Parenthood is so much better than I thought it would be.

Glorious

We are babysitting my mom's toy poodle for the weekend and were having very heavy rains/wind yesterday. Neither dog would go out to go potty and we were expecting a 3-ring circus in our bedroom once it was time for bed. My mom's poodle screams and yelps like it is slowly having a limb sawed off if we put her in her kennel so that wasn't an option. We just knew that she would be sleeping (and passing gas often) in between our pillows all night. The power kept going out and we didn't want Kara in her room because we wouldn't be able to hear her without the monitor. One more act in the circus when she would decide to wake up. We even invited Nicole to stay over to 'help out' without her knowing that was our intention. She declined--darn it.

This is what actually occurred. Nicole, Kara and I organized and scrapbooked until the power went off about 12:30am. Aaron and his friend, Mark, played computer games until they ended up sitting in the dark with their right hand on the mouse and their headsets still on. Eventually they found their way downstairs. Nicole went home to bed. Ellie, Daisy, Kara and I got ready for bed. Of course, the power came back on so Aaron and Mark continued playing. At 1:30am I fed Kara. She fell asleep quickly after. I put Ellie in her kennel. She fell asleep quickly after. Daisy and I got in bed and I started listening to a book on tape. Aaron came in at 2. All FIVE of us slept until Kara started grunting for food at 9:30 AM!!!!!! It was such a beautiful, glorious thing. Aaron fed Kara, let the dogs out (who both went #1 AND #2.) All FIVE of us got back into our queen size bed and slept soundly until 1PM!!!!!! Wow.

Rain Coming!!!

Finally we may have a bit of 'winter' here in Southern CA. It has been cooler and windy but barely any rain or even cloudy days. I love rain. Tomorrow and Friday Aaron and I have a couple routine Dr. appts. (since we have the time off still) but other than that we are looking forward to staying in and enjoying the rain with a fire in the fireplace and a new video game. I have begun Kara's baby book and what an overwhelming task that is. Life is good.

Happy New Year!!!

What a way to start off the new year. We wish you all a year of happiness and for YOUR dreams to come true. Ours did in 2007 and we are looking forward to all the fun in 2008.

Kara's First Book

Aunt Nicole is back in town! She brought this book home for Kara. It was the first book Kara sat through and looked at the pictures. Nicole also had the baby monitor in her room last night and took care of Kara while Aaron and I slept. It was joyous.

Four Week Checkup

Wow, is Kara growing! Today was her 4-week checkup. She had a tiny fever but the dr. said it could be because she was all wrapped up in her carrier since it was chilly outside. Nothing to worry about. She has grown 2 inches in 2 weeks and is up to 21 3/4 inches (75th percentile) and has gained TWO pounds since birth. She is at 9lbs. 8oz. (50th percentile.) The dr. seemed surprised when we told her how we were taking care of her. She has been sniffley--we got her the top-of-the-line humidifier. She has been gassy--we have been giving her the drops. We have been checking her temp. just to make sure and we knew that if there was a decline in appetite that means that she is sick. She has been eating like a horse (obviously) and hasn't had a temp. We felt like such good parents! We ran a few errands while she peacefully slept in her carseat. Tonight is a quiet night at home (well, maybe not so quiet. We got Rock Band for the PS2 for Christmas.) Kara just sleeps through it. Oh! And last night she ate at 10:20 and slept peacefully and quietly until 4:30!!!! I got up and fed her and Aaron just got up with her at 8:30! I know that just when we feel like we are getting the hang of things she will change her schedule on us or something. But, so far, so good. We are loving every second.

Lungs

Kara has discovered her lungs. And let me tell you they are strong and healthy. Luckily she still only seems to cry for a reason. Mostly gas. Finding out which end it is supposed to come out is our challenge. Tomorrow is her 4-week check up and I am anxious to find out how much weight she has gained. She just loves to eat. It is starting to feel a little like Groundhog Day--feeding, burping, changing diapers, washing bottles, doing laundry...as well as kissing, hugging, snuggling, smiling, laughing, and overall being parents...what we have wanted for so long. Neither of us want to go back to work. We still have another two weeks and 3 days off. (We are all anxious for Aunt Nicole to come back from her out-of-town family visit. She has been such an amazing help to us and Ellie misses her.)

Merry Christmas

Today was a wonderful Christmas. Kara slept through most of it but it was just great to have her here. She got a $70 humidifier (whoopee) but at least Santa knew what she needed. She got some fun toys from Grandma, Grandpa, and her aunts and uncles. Great-grandma and Great-grandpa spent Christmas at our house and got some very special gifts for Kara too. We had a very, very merry Christmas this year.

The Merriest of Merry

Here we are on Christmas Eve with a beautiful, healthy baby sleeping in her crib. If someone told me last Christmas Eve this is where we would be this year I would have either laughed in their face but more likely hit them and then cried my heart out for an hour or two. We are so thankful this year and trust that God knew all along that Kara was on her way for us. During this time of celebrating Jesus' birth we are celebrating the miracle of Kara and the love and selflessness of her amazing birthparents. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...(of sleep, hopefully.) :)

Family Pictures and First Smile

Today we took professional family pictures. The last time we did that Logan, our oldest nephew was about 2. There was no Emily, Katelyn, Jordan, Taylor or Kara. How special it was to have so many beautiful children in our photos today. It has been such an amazing experience to be a part of a big family. Being an only child, it took me awhile to get used to all the people around for family get-togethers. I enjoy them so much now. It has been awesome to watch as brothers and sisters get married and start their own families. Finally, our time has come. To be able to sit with my husband and my daughter to have our portrait taken was so special. This is what Christmas, what life, is all about.

Also, today our beautiful daughter smiled her first smile. She did it for Aaron this morning and I didn't believe him but she just did it for me and Aaron saw it too!!! She is just perfect. Wow, what a Christmas.

Big Sister

Ellie just can't get enough of Kara. Kara has to be in full sight at all times. Today I had to move an ottoman close to the swing so Ellie could keep an eye on her. Whenever someone new holds Kara Ellie has to jump up next to them and give Kara a sniff to make sure she is ok.

Many people are enjoying buying Baby's First Christmas outfits and Aunt Nicole finally found one today that isn't too big! I can't wait to dress her up in it on Christmas. It is so cozy.

We are taking family pictures on Sunday. We will all be dressed up and it will be Aaron's whole family plus 2 new babies since the last picture was taken. We are so excited to have a baby finally to be a part of it.

My Own Room!

Last night Kara got to sleep in her own room--in her own big girl crib. She really seemed to like it. She just stared at the mobile when we turned it on. She fell asleep pretty quickly and slept for about 4 1/2 straight hours! Then she ate a quick meal (up to 4oz!!! now) and went right back to sleep until about 7:30 or so and Aaron just got up with her. It was so nice. Her room is so peaceful and has a great rocking chair. It was neat to actually hang out in there with her for the first time. Today we bought a cd player for her room because we have gotten some really nice, relaxing cds that she seems to like.

Right now, Aaron is playing basketball. I have the Christmas tree lit, a fire in the fireplace, and a wonderful, calming instrumental cd on. (Of course the first college bowl game is on the tv but it isn't too exciting of a game.) Kara got a bath tonight and just smells like heaven. She is lying next to me on the couch and just fell asleep. I just want to soak in this moment.

Busy Days

This is why I get nothing done--and am ok with it! I could sit and stare at Kara all day and be quite content. She comes up with new looks while she sleeps and is just so alert now when she is awake. We went to a Christmas luncheon today at Aaron's school and about 100 people that have been waiting for Kara to arrive got to meet her. She wore a beautiful party dress and got so many compliments on how adorable she is. Every day is just such a blessing to have her.

Cousins

We are so blessed to have family all around us. Kara has 5 cousins already and it is so neat to be around them at all different stages. Taylor is the closest in age. She was born Aug. 21 so she is 3 months and 9 days older than Kara. It is amazing to see the difference 3 months makes. They are going to be so cute to watch grow up together.

Coming Home

I have been putting off this post because I have so many great pictures of the night we brought Kara home. Aaron's whole family was at our house waiting for us as well as my parents and our friend Nicole. Nicole got Ellie this adorable shirt and the beautiful Willow Tree figurine for us. It was so special to have everyone over and to have all Kara's cousins here to meet her. We are so blessed to have so much family nearby.

Birth Announcment

This is the picture we decided to use for her birth announcement. They turned out really cute. She is just such a peaceful baby. We thought this picture showed a bit of her personality.

First Doctor Appointment

Yesterday was Kara's first doctor appointment. She did great. She is healthy and growing. Her weight is up to 7 lbs. 14 oz. She is quite a good little eater. Her umbilical cord was about to fall off so the doctor helped it along in fear that it might easily get caught on a piece of clothing or a diaper and tear off. Kara barely complained. She got her first real bath today and didn't seem to mind a bit. I think she liked the warm water.

Ellie

I have so many pics to post and so much to write. I need to do it when I am not dead tired...maybe in 18 years? Just in case any of you were worried about Ellie--here she is with her new baby sister. She just loves to watch her and lay with her. It is so sweet.

Notre Dame/Going Home

Thursday's post was supposed to be about our visit to Notre Dame. Grandma K watched
Kara for a bit while Aaron and I took the short drive to the Notre Dame campus and went to the bookstore. It was my first trip out besides coming from the hospital to the hotel. It was nice to get out. I have also had a cold all week so I didn't feel much like doing anything anyway. We had a fun time walking around the bookstore and driving around parts of the campus. We got sweatshirts--I know, I know--how can I support Notre Dame after the horribly embarassing UCLA/Notre Dame football game this year. It was still neat to be there in person though.

We have not had internet access for the past two days in the hotel. We just about lost our minds. It has been very frustrating to not be able to get/send e-mail or post on my blog. Right now we are on our flight home!!! We are so excited. Kara is such a great traveler. Of course no crying at all. She just stares at everything; taking in the whole world with big, bright eyes. She slept most of both flights and ate twice. Four diaper changes so far on the plane but very quick and easy just on my lap. Every day that passes we get to know her more and more and just enjoy being with her so much. Now that I am not sick anymore I just love to kiss her little hands and forehead. I am sure I will have more to write when we get home.

And for my next act...

The true joys of parenthood have now been realized. Picture this...I am taking a nice, much needed nap and Aaron runs in not once, not twice, not three times...but FOUR times to get new diapers within 2 minutes. What the heck? Turns out she had poop--and lots of it. I decided I should get up and help. She was happy as a clam and all cleaned up by the time I got out to the front room. It was then time for her to eat. I made up a bottle and sat down with her for our favorite interactive time. She was almost done with the whole three ounces and she projectile vomited ALL over me, herself, the floor...anything within a five foot radius. I just kind of sat there, stunned. Aaron rushed over and started wiping me off, and took Kara. I still sat. I peeled off my clothes, put them in the dirty pile bag in the suitcase (dreading the moment when I actually get home and have to DO that bag of laundry) and put on clean clothes. She was so covered and since it was in her hair we gave her another bath. Of course she never made a peep throughout this whole experience, not one whimper, not one look of discontent. The bath finished up and she was all wrapped in her hoodie towel being held and warmed by Daddy when she decided to pee all down his shirt and the towel. Of course by now I am laughing my head off and amazed at how many orificaces she can empty at once. Ah, this is great! This picture is of her after her bath as we wait for her head to begin spinning.

All is right with the world

I know I am posting more than usual but this is the best way for me to journal the thoughts, feelings and experiences that I want to remember.
It snowed all night. It was beautiful. I have never seen it snow for so long in my whole life and I didn't want to sleep because it was just so pretty to watch. Kara is doing wonderfully. She is a good eater, sleeper (mostly), and is now just gazing at us when we talk to her. Before she would just stare off into space while we fed her--eating was just a reflex. Now even in the quiet hours in the middle of the night she stares into my eyes while she eats while I talk to her. It is so special. I will post more pics later.

We are in love.

I didn't think it was possible to be so in love with such a tiny being. Oh, don't get me wrong--I love Ellie to death but this little life has stolen our hearts. We don't want to take our eyes off her for a second because we might miss something--a look, a stretch, a yawn. She is such a perfect little girl. Anytime Aaron is anywhere within earshot she tries so hard turning her head and looking toward the direction of his voice. She barely cries because we can tell when she is 'thinking about it' and fix the problem before it starts. She is just an angel. She is going to be such a 'Daddy's Girl' and I am more than thrilled with that. Aaron has such a gentle way with her it just brings me to tears when I walk in to him smiling to her or singing to her and kissing her on the forehead. We are so blessed.

Yesterday we said our goodbyes in the hospital to the birthparents. It was SO hard. We are amazed at their selflessness and their courage. I cried so hard for them and their grief and for us and our joy at the same time. I sobbed the whole way out of the hospital carrying her. After all of our loss and pain I couldn't and still can't believe we actually got to leave a hospital with a perfect, beautiful baby girl. I cried all the way to the hotel. When we arrived at the hotel the manager had upgraded us to a mini-suite for the same price as our other room AND had signs everywhere (on the front doors, the elevators, and all over our room) that said "WELCOME HOME KARA GRACE." Of course, we cried some more. This is all so surreal. Of course we want to be home with her but we feel like we are the only people in the world right now. Our hotel is empty, not many people are outside, it snows on and off--this is all like a dream. We just want to soak in every second. Even the 3 hours we were awake between 5 and 8 this morning with her. She just wants to take in everything. Well, I need to go get myself a kleenex. :) Please continue to pray for the safety of all of us and for the birthparents. We can't even fathom the grief they must be dealing with today. I will post again soon.

She's Here!

Kara Grace Kirkland
November 30, 2007
7:39am 20 inches 7lbs. 9oz.
She is beautiful! She has a full head of dark brown/black hair. We were all surprised. The birthmother's other daughter was born with a full head of very blond hair. She is just so perfect. We are still in shock.

We had a rather uneventful flight and got here safely. The only glitch was that the car seat was lost and my jacket was in it! It was about 32 degrees and we climbed down a staircase onto the tarmac. BRRRRR! My parents were on the later flight Thurs. night and all of their luggage was lost.

We got to meet the birthparents that night at our hotel. We had a great time meeting them, taking pictures, trying not to cry too much, and getting to know them. We went to the hospital at midnight with them to check her in. We got to hear Kara's heartbeat for the first time and we found out that we would be getting our own room.

Aaron is going to go back to the hotel and connect to the internet to send this. I will post again soon! We are in 7th heaven right now. :)

Too much thinking--

I was tagged and I really did try to answer all of the questions but it was way too much thinking for right now. I couldn't even think of ONE favorite snack, favorite memory, bad habit, favorite food...etc. Let alone FIVE! Sorry, Jamie and Marci, I really did start it and then delete it all.

Instead I will post about recent happenings at our house. Kara's nursery is almost all ready. Our flights, hotel and car rentals for Michigan are all set. We leave in 10 days and our DAUGHTER is to be born in 11 days. Yikes! I am so thankful to have so much support. I don't know what I do otherwise. The next several days hold MANY activities and appointments. We will be on a plane before we know it. I will post some pictures soon of the finished nursery and the gift that I had made for our wonderful birthmother.

Showers!!

The showers have begun...and so has the countdown. The c-section is scheduled for November 30th. ONE MONTH FROM TODAY!!! My husband, being an English teacher, was given a 'book' shower. It was so much fun. We received many great books from a lot of his friends from work.


Today was my first shower. It was given by the ladies in my Bible study. About 40 women attended and I received SO much stuff. It was strange being on the receiving side of a baby shower. It was even kind of hard. So many times I have silently cried while watching friends and family open adorable teeny clothes and sweet cards. Today was my turn. There were definitely some tears--tears of joy obviously but tears of sadness for all the loss over the past seven years. I am so grateful for our birthmother and the ultimate gift she is giving us.

Ramblings

I just received a call from a friend that was in my infertility care group that I lead last fall. After a few months of very uninvasive infertility treatments last fall and earlier this year she and her husband decided to 'give up' and adopt. I was happy for her in that she felt as if she had exhausted her resources emotionally and financially and was ready to 'move on.' I am much more stubborn and it took me 7 years and hundreds (literally) of thousands of dollars to feel at peace with 'moving on.' As I have most likely stated before--I didn't want to look back at 45 yrs. old and have regrets of not trying something to have the biological child that I so desperately wanted.

I am so grateful to be at peace with my infertility and our choice to adopt. It isn't a last resort and it isn't 'settling' for second best. I truly believe it is just all God's timing. My mind and heart needed time to heal and Kara wasn't ready to be created yet. Even her amazing birthmother has said that she feels Kara was conceived for us.

Anyway, back to my phone call. My friend told me that they finally passed their home study and would be placed with a baby probably in Dec. or Jan. They are doing a foster-to-adopt situation so it is different than ours. She told me tonight that she is six weeks pregnant and had to put the adoption on hold.

This is the first pregnancy I have been told of since I knew my daughter was on her way. It is the first time that I didn't have the twinge of jealousy and sadness for myself at the same time of feeling joy and happiness for a friend. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle and I have proven to myself to be quite a pillar of strength through a lot more than I thought I could ever live through.

I really don't know where I am going with this. I have so many mixed emotions. Mostly of utterly missing my daughter even though I haven't even met her yet. I have dreamt about her several times and feel like she is already so much a part of my life. I am ready for her to come home. I am ready to hold her and dance with her in my arms. I am ready to cry with her when she has been crying for an hour and I can't figure out why. She just seems so real.

I need to go to bed but I felt I needed to capture this moment and these feelings.

More Waiting

I feel like I have titled at least 15 posts with that title. Today was the day that we were supposed to get the date for the c-section scheduled. The birthmother went for the appointment only to find that the doctor was at the hospital delivering another baby! They rescheduled her appt. for Oct. 10. Two more weeks! We need to buy plane tickets and get hotel rooms!

It is so funny though...the things I have begun to take for granted. Instead of staying up all night wondering IF there would be a heartbeat today I was wondering what I am going to pack for the trip to Michigan...etc. Kara's beautiful little heartrate today was 145. Yes, I am so grateful.

Here are a couple of pictures in the meantime.

Border up and Football Season!

Well, here it is! All done. We just need our friend to come over and show us how to set up the crib. We got it from this friend with no instructions but he says he remembers how to put it together since he did it for his two kids.

Finally, college football has begun. We have tickets to all of the UCLA home games and look forward to football season all year. Go Bruins! I swear Ellie is smiling in the picture where I am holding our first game tickets. :)

Labor Day Weekend Project--edited

We decided to paint the nursery this weekend. My friend, Nicole, willingly came over to help us even though it was 112 degrees outside. Obviously inside was much cooler but that kind of heat makes me want to relax and do nothing. We finished the room in 2 1/2 hours and I love the way it turned out. We put up blinds after the paint was dry last night and will finish it off with the border tomorrow.

(Edited--Ellie didn't have her teeth pulled afterall--we have to take her to a specialist and the dr. said to just keep an eye on them.)

IT'S A.......

GIRL!!!!!

We are so excited. Our birthmother had her ultrasound on Tuesday and found it the baby is a girl. We have decided to name her Kara Grace. I wasn't planning on doing the whole "themed" nursery but now that I know she is a girl I got all caught up with looking at the beautiful girly stuff at the Babies-R-Us website.

We found out that the baby isn't actually due until Dec. 7!!! Our agency first told us she was due Oct. 21. That is quite a difference! Since she will be born via c-section it will be right around Thanksgiving. We are really hoping for the week AFTER Thanksgiving but will still be flying cross-country at the busiest time of the year.

WOW!!!

Hey everybody! I don't really know where to start but I will do my best to update you. We just got back this afternoon from NINE weeks at my parents' lake house in Oregon. It was wonderful.

Very long story--short--WE ARE ADOPTING!!! We finished up all the home study stuff before we left in June and got all the paperwork, fingerprints, DMV records, medical records, blah-blah-blah, done then too. Everything fell into place so quickly and easily. Thank goodness.

On July 31 we were selected by birthparents in Michigan and needless to say we are thrilled, overjoyed, and shocked about the perfectness of the whole situation.
My battery on my laptop is dying so let me know if you want more info... :)

Anyone Still Interested???

Hey All,
Guess what?! You won't believe it but...we are adopting. We had our first consultation last Thurs. and it is all up to us and how fast we can get all the paperwork (crap) turned in. We are working on it now. If anyone is still out there and interested I will keep you updated. :)

Still here!

Hello Everyone!
I am so sorry it has been so long. I do have a reason for this though. This site was to be my journal through surrogacy. Well, that journey ended on June 16. I will probably pop in here once in a while to let you know what is going on with my life but right now we are not at all focusing on a baby. I just wanted you to know that I am doing very well. My doctor put me on 20mg of Paxil and is still working on getting my sleeping regulated. Ellie is still such a huge blessing to our lives and we don't want to take anything away from our time with her by adding a baby to our family right now. I started a new job as an elementary school librarian and I absolutely love it. AND I am taking flute lessons. I am repairing my relationship with God--which I struggled with after our surrogate's D&C in mid-June. My infertility care group which I lead at our church may have two new ladies come to the next meeting! I thank you all for your support. Yes, we are considering adoption. We are considering an egg donor. But we have SO much debt we want to try to pay some of it off before we embark on another adventure. I hope all of you are doing well. Please write anytime. :)

Our New Baby!

Hello my friends! We are back. We had the most amazing summer. Besides the European cruise that I posted about already we went to Oregon for about 5 weeks and to the Caribbean for a week. The Caribbean cruise with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend was much better than I thought it would be. We had a good time and made some good memories. He is off at college in another state so I am glad we had that time together.

OK, now for the big news!!! We adopted Ellie last Thursday. Here is the back story--Last May I subbed for a class that went on a field trip. I was sitting next to another teacher on the bus and tried to make conversation. I asked her if she had any pets. She told me this long old story about how her husband just brought home a dog one day recently. She seemed pretty pissed about it. She has two small children, job shares as a 3rd grade teacher and her husband works 12-15 hour days--7 days a week. She had no interest in having a dog, let alone training one. So I asked her what kind of dog it was...She said a min pin!!! I absolutely freaked out. I started asking questions. Come to find out her name is Peanut she is now 6.5 months old, about 6.5 pounds and since no one had time for her she WAS JUST LIVING OUT IN THE BACKYARD!!!!!!!!!!! It was still really cold at night in May and thinking of a tiny baby min pin curled up under a bush just made my heart break into a billion pieces over and over. I gave the teacher my phone number and said if she was interested in giving her a new home we would gladly take her. It has been a very long, slow process of e-mailing back and forth, not hearing anything for weeks, and just feeling sick to my stomach about the whole thing since we couldn't get her until mid-Aug. BUT we got home from Oregon late Wed. night and went to pick up Peanut (Ellie) the next evening.

Neither of us can believe that we have another dog, let alone another min-pin. She looks and acts so much like Killer it is like seeing a ghost sometimes. We just love her so much already. She is sooooo good. I think she realizes how good she has it and wants to please us. It is such a strange feeling to actually WANT to get up in the morning, to be home all day and not depressed, to laugh again. She is sleeping on my lap right now as I type this--all is right with the world.

Finally updating (a little)

Hello all,

Here is one picture. I have approximately 310 more but that is a bit overwhelming. This is an amazing cathedral in St. Petersburg, Russia.

We have been in Oregon for the past few weeks and have had a few days at home now. We are leaving Friday for a Caribbean cruise with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. I am rooming with his girlfriend and Aaron is rooming with his brother. That may make an interesting post when I get back. :)

For a quick update on me. I actually have not been doing well. I have LOST weight (usually I gain about a half a pound a day on cruises), I am not sleeping, I am breaking out, my blood pressure was high, my sugar was high, I am having constant panic attacks, and I am utterly and desperately depressed. These symptoms have been going on for a few years but have really gotten worse, a lot worse, in the past couple of months.

We had lunch with J and her family this week and she is doing surprisingly well. We didn't discuss another round, we didn't actually discuss anything baby related. I have no idea if she would even consider transferring the last embryo we have frozen. I know I wouldn't and I don't think I can even ask her to go through all that again. I don't want to go through all that again.

Thank you all for your patience with me. I hope you are all doing well.

Sorry

Hello my friends. Sorry I have not updated in a long time. I have been avoiding it. As you can probably guess the heartbeat stopped while we were in Europe. J had a D&C on June 16th. We were in Russia when we found out the news--my dad called the ship. We were/are devastated.

The cruise was amazing. We loved London and are so glad we planned three days there before we got on the cruise. I am just now starting to get back on this time zone. We were up to 11 hours off at one point on the trip. Talk about jet lag. We got home on the night of the 19th did tons of laundry, paid some bills, had a couple dr. appts and drove 14 hours to Oregon on the 22nd. My parents have a lake house that is our favorite getaway. We look forward to it every summer and couldn't wait to get here. We are in Oregon now and doing a whole lot of nothing. We are spending a lot of time talking and trying to figure out what to do next. We have one frozen embryo left and it is pretty clear that it isn't worth it for me to go through another IVF. Money is a huge concern right now since we will be in debt for the next 25 years just from this last attempt.

Again, I am sorry for avoiding posting. I have just been taking a vacation from everything. I hope you are all doing well. I will try to get around to posting some pics from Europe soon.

We are Outta Here!

After counting down this day for months it has finally arrived. We are leaving for Europe in the morning. We will not be back until the 19th of June and I am sure I will have lots to report when I get home. And lots to catch up on with all of you. Take care!